I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
