alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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