I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
