He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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