please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
