I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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