Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
