I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
