Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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