i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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