My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
