i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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