Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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