NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize