i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
