Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize