My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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