I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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