hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
