Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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