I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
