Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
