I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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