I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize