All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
