we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
