Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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