one might say we're banned from that church
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
