Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
