i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this just has baby written all over it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
