I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
