Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize