ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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