Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
