Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
