im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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