and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
