I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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