trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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