wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
