I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
