I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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