Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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