none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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