Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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