I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
