Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We got so high we made milksteak
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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