the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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