Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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