some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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