He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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