Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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