HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize