Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
