Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
