what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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