you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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