my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize