somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
