If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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