OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
