im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
