I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
