she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
