Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
