he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Someone signed my nipple.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
