I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
